The Really Secret Diary of Morrigan the Fairy
by princesskatt
Summary: You know the fairy that helped out Beauty in 'Beauty and the Beast? Well this is her version of the events...and it's not pretty...
1. Why Me?

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What up random reader!? Welcome to my highly satire-ish and humorous parody of the well known book 'Beauty and the Beast'! I think it would be a good idea to read the 'real' story before pursuing this fic.  
  
If you have read the real story, good job! This fic is taken from the fairy that helped out Beauty's pov. Written in 'Bridgett Jones's Diary' sort of way. Enjoy!  
  
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Day One  
Walked in to the Super Secret Council (SSC) today to a scene of uproar. Finally managed to find out that one of the minor fairies had set a curse among a mortal teenage boy named Rupert. As if having the name Rupert wasn't tragic enough, the poor boy had to be enchanted by a minor fairy just because said fairy felt like being difficult. Go figure.  
  
Minor fairies have too much free time, if you ask me. Of course no one did, and self spent a few moments trying to get silence. Eventually succeeded by screaming for order.  
  
Self then got further order by insisting that we have an emergency meeting. Was all settled down, when noticed that self was getting a lot of strange looks. A few fairies actually whispered at me! Ignored them and paid attention to the Head Fairy, who's name is Sprite. Unfortunately, listening to Head Fairy Sprite was not a very wise thing to do. Head Fairy Sprite has a reputation to drone. Since self needed details about newest problem, turned to second-in-command fairy and commented, 'This seems to be developing into a distinctly boring situation.' Fortunately, said fairy got the hint and bade Head Fairy to 'speed it up'. We then got down to the nitty-gritty.  
  
Seems that the minor fairy that put curse on unfortunate teen Rupert was my very own sister Gwendolyn! So should have seen that coming. Told Gwen a few days ago that her new hairstyle makes her look like she got in a fight with a balloon, and it does! There is no reason to take it out on poor, defenseless Rupert. Was rather surprised that she didn't take it out on me, as I am the one who said it. As self found out later, Rupert's misfortune does have something to do with me. As schedule sheet says, it is my turn to take the latest Young Mortal Crises Assignment (YMCA). Oh has this been my day or what.  
-Morrigan  
  
Later  
Well. If this isn't the cherry of cruelty on top of the sundae of despair that has been my day so far, I don't know what it is. Gwendolyn has taken away my powers! Self thought there was something strange when self tried to walk through a wall and wound up with a bumped head and bleeding nose. Apparently she knew that self would be getting the next assignment, and the next assignment is this one. Now that powers are gone, can't do anything for myself!  
-Morrigan 


	2. Fate

I would normally only do one day per chap, but these were so short, I took pity on you all, and had three days in here. Enjoy!  
  
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Day Two  
  
Sister Gwen has been making things more difficult than necessary. Turns out the curse that said sister has put on Rupert can only be broken if he falls in love with a girl and she falls in love with him in return, blah blah blah. That old chestnut.  
  
Anyway, self's assignment is to twist Fate around so that a girl meets him and falls in love with him. Will be easier said than done by far, as Rupert now resembles something akin to a cross between a bear, boar, wolf, etc, etc. Never let it be said that Gwendolyn does not have imagination.  
  
Usually is hard to change the future, as Fate is fickle. Fortunately for me, ol' Fate and I go way back, so getting him to let me run things my way shouldn't be a problem. Must go now and dig up some old blackmail to make Fate 'see' my side.  
  
-Morrigan  
  
Day Three  
  
Have checked out all eligible damsels in surrounding area. Thought it would be wise to look at all the girls that reside by Rupert's castle, since self can't go anywhere, since Gwendolyn took self's magic away!  
  
Uh oh, feeling a tantrum coming on. Must center. Oooom.... There.  
  
Moving on...since self can not do magic, self has to stay in Headquarters to allow fellow fairies channel their magic though me. When self pointed out that it would be more practical to have someone else do it, Head Fairy Sprite reminded me that I was next on the list, therefore, had to take the assignment, yak yak yak. He kept on the vane for a while, and self eventually wandered off to look over the list of eligible girls again.  
  
Seem to have found possible candidate. Goes by the name of Bell alias Beauty. Background: young, agreeable, pretty girl, lives in the country, family lost their fortune, mother died. Looked up her file and was subjected to a toothache when self found out how sweet she was. And kind. And smart. And hard working. The only downside is that she tends to be frail and not very strong-minded. Will observe Bell alias Beauty (who I will now call Bell because it's shorter) for a few days to get a firsthand look. If Bell is right for the job, hopefully observing her and her family will give me an opportunity to lure her near Rupert's castle.  
  
Head Fairy Sprite is nagging me to 'find somebody already' so must dash and start examining Bell.  
  
-Morrigan  
  
Day Four  
Have spent an amusing day watching Bell alias Beauty. I must say, her sisters add a spark to life. Fortunately her brothers protect her, as her father is to dim-witted to stop said sisters. Have had a growing dislike for Bell's father. Lets his sons run wild, and doesn't stop the sisters from beating up on Bell. Must find a way to involve him in this whole Rupert thing. Hmmm...feeling a plan coming on....  
  
Definitely will have to do something to the evil sisters though. That I will have to think on. Is now time to think of how to get Bell to Rupert's castle. Will be tricky, because if was me, I wouldn't go anywhere near a castle that a guy named Rupert lived in. But like I said, that's just me. Also, the fact that Rupert is now a monster would also repel her. Hmmm, she'll have to be told that he's a monster before she sees him. You know, to prepare her.  
  
-Morrigan  
  
Later  
Aha! Eureka! I've got it! Brilliant! Yes! Other words that mean you have solved your problem! Have found a way to get Bell into Rupert's castle! Must get to work on it!  
  
-Morrigan  
  
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More to come tomorrow! 


	3. The Plan is Set Into Motion

Writer From Rivendell: Thanks for catching that! I have made the necessary changes, and now you can read it without cringing every time you run across my typo.  
  
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Day Five  
  
Yesterday went perfectly. Disguised self and went down to ocean docks to tell several captains that a ship of Belle's father's has been recovered. Had suggested that they send somebody to him and give him the good news. The only problem with that was that I was sent. Oh joy.  
  
Was immediately greeted by Belle upon arriving at the cottage. Almost ran over her with my horse. She needs to have a growth spurt or something.  
  
Anyway, self was hailed as nothing short of a hero by the rest of the family, since self was the bearer of good news. After a few minutes of exited talking, I politely said that I would rather be a hero inside, where it wasn't so cold. (Self wasn't really use to having a cold head. Self had long, heavy hair before Head Fairy Sprite insisted on having self's hair charmed to at least self's shoulders when set out disguised as a sailor. When asked if self couldn't just stuff the hair under a cap, self's argument was quickly nullified.) So after standing outside for about a half an hour in the cold and wind, self started feeling very achy. Probably a head cold. Stupid mortals finally caught that self was suffering from something no less than hypertherma, whatever that is.  
  
Was subjected to an hour's worth of partying. If you ask me, it was just another excuse for the brothers to get drunk. What fools these mortals be.  
  
-Morrigan  
  
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Day Six  
Before leaving for docks, said father asked daughters what they wanted. The elder sisters immediately said they wanted jewels, silk, dresses, perfumes, etc, etc. Who's surprised? Not me. Belle said that all she wanted was a rose. Feel toothache coming on. Anyway, father and self set out for the docks and didn't reach them for two days. It took self about three seconds to cover the same distance. Of course self was traveling by magic, but still! How tedious.  
  
The good thing was that the old man was prattling on and on about his misfortunes and how he was so glad to get some of his riches back. His words just make self's plan better! Although self is having a guilty conscious about disappointing him when he finds out that there really is no ship. Oh well. No avoiding it. And if everything goes as planned, they will have more than that silly old ship could ever provide for them. Feel better now; yay!  
  
Finally reached the docks. Politely ditched the old man and was transported back to Headquarters. Watched old man on his way back to his family after being told that the ship had been seized by creditors. Good thing this wasn't in the future. I have a friend who's a Diviner and she says that if this was later, the ship would of gone to the I.R.S., whatever that is.  
  
So, the old man was setting out in the forest, heading home, so Fate was called up for him to play his cards. He got cold feet, but self reminded him of all the goods I had on him. To which he replied, "If you think that by threatening me you can get me to do whatever you want--well, that's where you're right." Then Fate made it so the night came a little earlier, a storm blew in that wasn't suppose to come for a few days, and the old man went the wrong way. Satisfying victories all around.  
  
As predicted, old man stumbled right into Rupert's castle. Fortunately, Gwendolyn had the rare foresight to enchant his castle after enchanting the boy himself. Am glad to report that old man spent an uneventful night in Rupert's castle. Was just patting self on back next morning, when Rupert made his appearance. Apparently old man had seen Rupert's world famous roses and decided that he should take one home for Belle. Didn't the old man know that Rupert is growing the roses for the annual Royal Rose Revelry (RRR)? Apparently not. Well Rupert saw the old man pick one of his prize roses and in consequence, got all wonky and possessive. Apparently spending time in beast form doesn't do well for ones temper.  
  
Spent frantic seconds banging head on wall after Rupert saw Belle's father. The plan was for Belle's father to see how nice and deserted the castle was and bring Belle there to see it! Arugh!  
  
Rupert then saved my head (and the wall) from any further damage by announcing that he would let the old man go in exchange for Belle. Went into a paroxysm of delight when self heard that. Hugged Fate, who was standing nearby, in fit of happiness that he changed fate that way to. Fate looked confused, and turned the color of his hair, which is saying something, since his hair is a very dark red. He then said that he didn't make Rupert say that he wanted Belle. Fate and I stood looking at each other in eerie silence for a while. Was it coincidence that Rupert said he wanted Belle? Because if Fate didn't interfere, who did? Freaking self out now, so moving on.  
  
Rupert finally released old man. Old man is now back home. Warm fuzzes all around. Belle and brothers happy to have father back. Of course, sisters started blabbing about their things that they wanted. Poor guy. Broke the news to them as gently as possible, and they still went off.  
  
The little drama of the father coming home was as good as a movie. As a matter of fact, self sent Fate to get popcorn five minutes in.  
  
Anyway, Belle immediately said that she would go in her father's place. (Oh. I so did not see that coming.) Of course, her father said that he wouldn't allow it and that he would go (to no one's surprise). Belle than pointed out that 'the beast' left the decision up to her. Ha! She's got ya' there old man! One of Belle's sisters said that Belle should go because it was her fault that they were in this fix. Fate laughed so hard at the stupidity of the statement, he choked on a popcorn kernel, turning an impressive red in the bargain to. Belle kept insisting that she would go, so the subject was dropped. For the time being anyway.  
  
Fate left, but not after making self promise that self would call him if they started arguing again.  
  
-Morrigan  
  
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There's more to come, so keep your pants on. 


	4. In Which I Do Way Too Much DreamTravelin...

Day Seven  
Belle and father off to Rupert's castle. Last night Rupert sent chest full of gold and other precious things to old man's room. Belle very relieved that family would be taken care of in her absence. Presentation of gift was met with 'awww's from fairies that had joined Fate and self in watching Belle, which is getting to be a very popular watch.  
  
Think that Belle was put at ease by gift. Silly blint now thinks that Rupert isn't as bad as all. Ha ha ha. She should see him when he doesn't brush his fur in the morning.  
  
Belle and father arrived at castle. To make semi-long story short, they ate, Rupert was as bad as Belle feared, Belle and father were sent to room to fill trunks up with things for family, then sent to bed. Father has to leave next morning.  
  
When getting ready for bed, Belle looked extremely sad, so Head Fairy Sprite insisted that I go comfort her. Proposition was met with grumbles and groans from self, but Sprite insisted. Self then was transferred into blue gossamer dress with maroon sash, as Head Fairy Sprite thinks that self should look presentable and serious. Blah blah blah. Would have been perfectly fine to go down there with a potato sack on.  
  
Fairies in charge of dreams (Mortal Dream Control) thoughtfully changed self's wings to blue to match dress. Finally was allowed to let hair down, though self immediately tripped over said hair. Self raved about stupid appearances, but was quickly silenced with the threat that self would have to go naked if self didn't shut up. Normally wouldn't mind, but Fate was standing nearby. Could have been my imagination, but he looked hopeful at the idea. Am starting to think that Fate isn't doing self these fate-changing favors just because I have a tons of embarrassing goods on him. Am getting confused, so back to the events of today.  
  
Was just about to be transported into Belle's dream, when Fate insisted that self takes his pet unicorn. Was touched. Fate is usually very fickle about lending his unicorn. Took full advantage of the situation and appeared in Belle's dream, unicorn in tow.  
  
The Mortal Dream Control made it so Belle and self (along w/ unicorn) was in Rupert's garden. Stroke of genius on their part, I must say. Belle was confused and afraid, no surprises there, but I comforted her (hopefully) by saying, "Beauty, I am content with your goodwill. Do not abandon your kind ways in fear. In your heart, you know what is right. Trust your heart, and search out the truth. But beware of being deceived by appearances. Bear the trials to come, and your goodness will be rewarded." Not bad, if do say so myself. Got the message across without giving anything away, as Gwendolyn said that if we told any mortal, spell would be permanent. Girl needs something to do. Anyway, Mortal Dream Control then ended the dream, but made it so that Belle would remember it upon waking. Must go and see how said girl is holding up.  
  
-Morrigan  
  
Day Fourteen  
Everything's going fairly well. Rupert sees Belle after dinner, which is good. When he's normal, Rupert isn't the cheeriest person in the morning and since the transformation, it's even worse. Didn't expect Rupert to ask Belle to marry him every night though. Thought that would be a turn-off for Belle, but she seems to tolerate it pretty well. Thankfully.  
  
Said girl seems to be keeping busy, which is also good. Apparently likes the library that we set up for her. Belle seemed to be scared by the poem that I wrote. Am offended. All it said was, "In this house your will shall be/Vested with authority. /Speak thy wish and you shall wear/ Garments without seam or tear." Why that would scare anyone is beyond me. Girl apparently doesn't know how to manage power.  
  
Head Fairy Sprite is getting annoyed at lack of action and Belle's pining about family. Has sent me on another dream quest. Will soon wear all fairies out from having to transfer powers to self. Self was allowed to be dressed the same, and even managed not to trip over ankle- length hair this time!  
  
Mortal Dream Control put Belle and self in Belle's room surrounded by mist. Appeared dramatically out of said mist and said, "Arise." Then grabbed Belle's hand by accident. Thought self was about to fall! Self then led her though maze of corridors. Was worried for a second, as thought that we wouldn't come out of maze, but we eventually came out into a large meadow surrounded by hedges that towered about our heads. To mask relief, self said "Dear Beauty, do not long for that which you have left behind. You are destined for a better fate. Only do not be deceived by appearances." After impressive speech was made, was brought back to headquarters, leaving Belle alone. Fortunately, Belle had the sense to go wandering, and Mortal Dream Control made Rupert (in normal form) walk towards the girl. In a fit of good humor, Fate sent his unicorn to walk beside Rupert. Rupert said, "Beauty, Beauty, you are too cruel *(Wow, what a way to win her heart. Insults. Geeze.)* Will you ever see me? I fear not! *(I fear not to, actually. This thing has been going on forever.)* Look with your heart, I beg you. Do not be deceived by your eyes. Be as truehearted as you are beautiful *(There you go! Complements!)*, and you will find me out. Please, do not desert me, but save me from my suffering." Not bad, but mine was better. After all, latter speech was written by Mortal Dream Control. Anyway, Fate's unicorn stamped its foot, and the dream ended.  
  
It seemed that, before Belle had said dream, she unfortunately heard Rupert kill something. Rupert really needs to learn to vent his anger in some other way. Preferably in a nonviolent manner. While Belle was having the dream, Rupert came in to her room and shut the window. Had blood on his hands. Icky, but not foreseen, since he did just rip something apart. Ew. Rupert then stood by her bed and looked at her for hours. After the dream was over, and Belle was sleeping normally, Fate and self thought it would be amusing to watch Rupert. Much to our disappointment, Rupert didn't do much. Fate and I fell asleep watching him. Rupert finally left around early morning.  
-Morrigan 


	5. Belle Goes Home

Three Months Later  
Well, Belle still hasn't broken the curse. At the rate this is going, self will be on this assignment forever.  
  
Belle has seemed to get accustomed to Rupert's castle. Every now and then, she will see something that will remind her of her dream that she had long ago. She found a picture of Rupert, much to Headquarters dismay. But then figured that said picture might work in our favor. Did not matter anyway; Belle did not return to gallery after seeing picture. Have suspicion that picture makes her remember the dreams, and that makes her uncomfortable. Oh well.  
  
Rupert and Belle are getting along as well as can be expected. Are carrying on intelligent conversations. Mostly about Rupert, but still, at least they are talking. One day, Rupert actually asked Belle to dance! Fate nearly fell into Looking Well (where we watch all of this), he was so shocked. The thing was, Rupert asked Belle to marry him after they danced. Nothing unusual about that, he dose that every night. But Belle went all flustered and ran inside. Rupert had the good sense to follow her. Belle asked if they couldn't just be friends, and Rupert agreed to that. Sort of.  
  
The next day, Belle discovered the garden gate. Headquarters was delighted, as symbolic poem is inside. Fate had unicorn lure Belle to statue of Pan where poem was. 'Seek within/To wisdom gain;/Thus relieve/All worldly pain./' Didn't write that one myself, so don't quite understand it. Has something to do w/ Rupert, I'm sure. Belle didn't understand it either. Unfortunately, Rupert wouldn't explain it to her, so meaning still remains unclear.  
  
-Morrigan  
  
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Two Days Later  
Was greeted with a sense of deja vou when arrived in Headquarters today. Red Alert light and siren were going off and fairies were dashing/flying around everywhere. Apparently no one can do anything without supervision. Head Fairy Sprite saw me and immediately dashed up to me and said, 'Belle wants to go back home!' Was unimpressed. Had been expecting it for a while now, but then Head Fairy Sprite added, 'And Rupert is letting her!' That caught my attention. Apparently Rupert is letting Belle go home for a week. Obviously. But he could die in that time! Head Fairy Sprite then outlined an elaborate plan to make Belle stay, and ended it with, '"Do you understand me?" "Seldom if ever," I replied. "But therein lies your charm. Why don't you just send me into one of her dreams?" Head Fairy Sprite saw the logic in that, and the Mortal Dream Control was soon working. Was soon sent into Belle's dream. Stood there looking at her in concern for a while. I wanted to find out what could possessed her to leave. Her father, that's what. I could tell Belle was trying to talk, but the Mortal Dream Control had put a block on her voice. I motioned to Belle, who rose and followed me. I was then brought back to Headquarters, Belle was sent into the garden that had the statue of Pan in it, and Fate sent his unicorn down. Belle sat down and hugged the unicorn for a little while, then the dream faded.  
  
Unfortunately, the magic had worked while the dream was in play, and Belle was back at her father's house. Father was happy to see her, and insisted that she not go back. Got mad at that. She has to keep her promise! Belle was mindful of that, and said that she had to return in a week. Stupid father kept insisting that she stay for good. Self will have to do something about him; he's getting on self's nerves.  
  
Rupert had sent a chest after Belle full of her clothes. Belle insisted on giving them to her sisters. Was now at boiling point, and made chest disappear with some of Fate's powers that self channeled. Father guessed that 'the beast' wanted the dresses for her alone, so I sent the trunk back. Fate came staggering in and said that he felt weak and probably couldn't cast a spell to save his life. Oops.  
  
Evil sisters have gotten married. Husbands are as bad as the sisters. Of course the sisters were instantly jealous of Belle's happiness, never mind the fact that Rupert has given them tons of riches because of Belle. Sisters soon escaped to garden and started plotting. Was worried about their plan to make Belle stay longer, but figured that Belle would catch on.  
  
Have never been so utterly wrong in my life. Belle gave into her sister's pleas to stay longer. Sisters hope that her absence will make 'the beast' unhappy and that he will take everything away from her. How narrow-minded is that?  
  
Well in the meantime, Rupert was slowly wasting away. It's got to be hard on the boy. After all, he is just a teenager and he had to go though this horrible transformation and his girl up and left him. Belle must come home!  
  
-Morrigan 


	6. It's About Time!

Ten Days Later  
Head Fairy Sprite decided that we should do something. Well really, ya think? Self was sent on another dream quest. This time self was dressed in a shimmering dress that flashed streaks of lightning. Needed to inspire a sense of fear. I stared at Belle, and then began to disappear, growing smaller and smaller until I had vanished (a.k.a, sent back to Headquarters). Fate then released his unicorn to run back and forth, leaving a trail of sparks behind him. Rather interesting touch, I must say. Almost as good at self's dress. The unicorn was then brought back to Headquarters, and Belle was sent to Pan's garden. She then was greeted with the sound of Rupert painfully groaning behind some bushes. Fortunately, Belle ran to him and was startled to see him lying in the agony of death (dramatic huh?). He looked at her reproachfully and said, "Beauty, why have you treated me so? Why have you broken your word? Why have you broken my heart?" Then he 'died'. Belle woke up and promptly burst into tears. Girl then transported herself back to the castle by means of seal ring that Rupert had gave her.  
  
Surrounding fairies gave a collected sigh of relief. Were afraid that they were going to have to transport her back ourselves, heaven forbid.  
  
-Morrigan  
  
One Day Later  
  
Oh joyous joyous celebrating! Belle has finally broken the spell! Major rejoicing in Headquarters. Was afraid that spell would never be broken. Here's what happened:  
  
Belle was sent back to castle and spent anxious day waiting for when she would see Rupert. When Rupert didn't come, she got worried and went to look for him. Good thing she did; Rupert was pining away in garden. Had asked Head Fairy Sprite if self couldn't go down there and slap him around for being such a pathetic love-struck fool (please). Obviously wasn't allowed to. Darn. But back to story.  
  
Belle finally found Rupert behind bushes. Indeed, she could hardly miss him, she almost tripped over him. Silly blint thought that she was too late, and that Rupert was already dead. But he wasn't, so she said that she loved him. Very dramatically, I might add. Was touching, none the less. Had to give Fate the last box of tissues, as he was resembling a human fire hydrant gone horribly awry. Anyway, Rupert transformed into his normal, gray eyed self. Was very happy. Because when Bellee said that she loved him, not only did Rupert return to normal, but my powers came rushing back! Joyest joy joy! Immediately went down to Rupert's castle along with Fate's unicorn. When there, magically transported family (including evil sisters and their husbands) to the castle. Family was confused, to say the least, but self reassured them that they were here to see Belle. Belle herself came in a few seconds later with Rupert who was looking great. Well, better than he had over recent days, that's for sure.  
  
"I have watched over you," I said, as soon as Belle was done greeting her family. "For I am a fairy. *(Just in case she didn't notice)*. Although I could not alter the acts of my wicked sister *(Ha! Payback!)*, because of your virtue, I am able to use my powers once again. You have trusted your heart and deserved a reward. I will make the prince the king of his land and you shall be his queen." Very good speech. Have had lots of time to prepare it, of course.  
  
Then addressed Belle's father: "My good man, you have been devoted to your children all of your life, and although you have not always made the best decisions *(Don't even get me started)*, your good intentions and integrity have brought you to his final reward. It is your happy fate to spend the rest of your days in comfort and happiness with your daughter and her husband. You shall be blessed with the joy of many grandchildren, and the peace and contentment that come from having lived your life with honor and integrity." Thought that self had let old man off way too leniently. But moving on.  
  
The sisters. Ha! This was good. "As for you, vain ladies, I know your wicked hearts. You shall both become statues, yet alive within the stone. It will be your punishment to stand before your sister's gate and behold her happiness. Not until you have honestly acknowledged your faults you will be able to return to natural states. But I fear you will never repent. Pride, anger, selfishness, and idleness are sometimes conquered, but the conversation of a cruel and envious mind can only be accomplished by a miracle (like what finally broke the curse...)."  
  
Wow, was I on a roll or what? Really proud of self.  
  
Anyway, after delivering extremely impressive speech, self waved hand and transported all of us to the prince's dominions, where his subjects received the family with great cheering.  
  
Fate's unicorn stayed on the castle grounds. Fate said that unicorn was wanting to go to live among the mortals for a while, and now was his chance. I have a feeling that when Belle and Rupert die, he'll come back. So all's well that ends well. Now if you'll excuse me, self has some sister butt-kicking to do. Ta ta!  
  
-Morrigan  
  
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Well? How'd it go? Review and tell me what you thought of the lovely ending! 


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